Poem: Self Sabatoge/Internalized Oppression

I always picked at carpets,
Red carpet,
Brown carpet,
Everywhere I went,
I wanted to find out what was there,
Deepening,
Looking for depth,
Picking the carpet,
When I was told to go sit in the hall,
For a being rambunctious,
Hyper adolescent,
In a confining public educational system,
Florescent lights,
Florescent peers,
Where my union blue collar upbringing,
Met middle to upper class white white collar kids,
The collision of worlds,
I was angry,
Sweaty palms on the desk,
Streaks,
I leave streaks,
I walked the train tracks home,
Often throwing rocks at the tall power lines,
Hot summer days,
Cigarettes,
I couldn't hide,
Being Native,
My anger,
As much as I tried to fit into being White,
The divide was clear,
I shopped at thrift stores,
You shopped in Birmingham,
I vacationed on the rez in the UP,
You vacationed in London,
Japan,
Hawaii,
My working class mindset,
So I tear up a whole book,
Page by page,
Littering the streets of the middle and upper class parts of town,
Last day of junior high school,
Walking home alone,
Remnants of pain on my skin,
Hardwood floors,
Jeans cut,
Strings hanging from the jeans,
Brown,
Brown skin,
Sweaty palms on the desk,
FORD worker jacket from my Grandpa,
Thrift store jacket,
Converse all stars,
Graffiti,
Graffiti on my arms,
Identity,
Stolen,
I'm walking home,
I'm walking home alone,
Along the railroad tracks,
In 1996.